I saw some clips yesterday of the New England Patriots rally at Foxboro Stadium, just before the team went down to Atlanta to prepare for next week’s Super Bowl game. There was video of Tom Brady addressing the thousands of fans there, shouting over and over through the microphone, “WE’RE STILL HERE! WE’RE STILL HERE!” I was little caught off guard and out of context. “Okay,” I thought, “if you’re still here, then I suggest you get on the bus to the airport so that you can be over there.” Then I realized, now I get what you mean. Don’t be so literal-minded, Mike. And I realized it applied to us as well.
Around ten months after we lost Aidan, I was continuing to have trouble controlling my flinching from the trauma. I would see something or think of something, then flinch. A quick shake of the head, like a sudden shiver. Not very often at work, but mostly during idle moments during meetings when I wasn’t engaged in some other immediate task. It was not recounting the traumatic events of losing him that triggered me. It was little memories, the accumulation of tiny details. Simple things, like the color orange, his favorite, and how he said it was his favorite even though it was also my favorite, and I reminded him he could have whatever favorite color he wants. I thought about how my brain was reacting to these memories. Why did they make me flinch? I actually talked with Aidan about it. What do you think is going on? (These conversations happen a lot when you grieve.) I realized it was as if the feelings they stirred up had no place to go. They felt all bottled up, and my fl...
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